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My best friend, Adam, tried to hook up with my girlfriend, so I did him a favor. I called his girlfriend and said “Hi, this is Dr. John Johnson, this is a message for Adam, calling to confirm that he does in fact have Genital Warts, Herpes, and Chlamydia. Tell him he needs to come in for an appointment immediately. Thank you!” You ‘re welcome adam. Dick. See you in…

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My boyfriend gave me a bunch of shitty knockoff jewlery for v-day this year, so I gave him a better present back. I told him I wanted to do something different in the bedroom, and bought a whip. Whipped his dumb ass for 45 minutes and left him handcuffed to the bed. SYIH

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Earlier today my friend asked me if I would do a final edit on of his paper and then print it out for him using my printer. The paper was very personal about past experiences that had turned him into a better person. I didn’t edit it all, added a couple F-Bombs, and added a paragraph stating the two most influential past experiences he had were the day he came…

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I turned in a HUGE paper for my favorite class, and my professor wrote me a scathing review. He insulted my intelligence, so I decided to get him back. We had been watching a movie for the past few days in class that was located on the public server. I replaced the video with extremely kinky porn, and when he started the movie, our big screen projector displayed some very…

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Last night was a doozey. Me and a friend went to our work party and my coworkers gave me a taser as a joke, because I was tased by a bouncer last year. Needless to say, I got blitzed drunk. Turns out, and I don ‘t remember this, we took a cab home and the fare was 70$. Instead of paying the cabbie, I tased the shit out him, and…

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Last summer, my friend was supposed to be watching the house for a weekend. I got home and found my trash bin full of used condoms and my bed full of jizzstains. I was fuckin’ PISSED. The next day, I went over to his place, snuck into his room, and put pin-holes in all his rubbers and shot one off in his bed. See you in hell.

 
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