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My best friend, Adam, tried to hook up with my girlfriend, so I did him a favor. I called his girlfriend and said “Hi, this is Dr. John Johnson, this is a message for Adam, calling to confirm that he does in fact have Genital Warts, Herpes, and Chlamydia. Tell him he needs to come in for an appointment immediately. Thank you!” You ‘re welcome adam. Dick. See you in…

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My boyfriend gave me a bunch of shitty knockoff jewlery for v-day this year, so I gave him a better present back. I told him I wanted to do something different in the bedroom, and bought a whip. Whipped his dumb ass for 45 minutes and left him handcuffed to the bed. SYIH

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Last Valentine’s day, me and 2 friends took out three girls to one of the nicer restaurants in the town. We got a little bit tipsy and were asked to leave because we were being too loud. This year I got reservations under a different name, and am boning my girlfriend in the bathroom. SYIH RESTAURANT MAN!

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I’m borrowing my best friends Mercedes-Benz, my dad’s best Armani suit, and my brothers 2,000 dollar watch for my date tonight. Talk about an authentic man right? SYIH.

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Earlier today my friend asked me if I would do a final edit on of his paper and then print it out for him using my printer. The paper was very personal about past experiences that had turned him into a better person. I didn’t edit it all, added a couple F-Bombs, and added a paragraph stating the two most influential past experiences he had were the day he came…

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Last night while I was at the casino, my roommate started freaking out saying he lost his credit card when really it was in my pocket. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity, espescially since I remember his PIN # from a time I grabbed cash for him. I withdrew all $570.00 from his checking account, threw his card in the trash can, and then went and joined him…

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Spray-painted the side of my buddies house with a little gang sign with removable paint, and now he gets hazed by gangs all day! They broke into his car and stole his radio the day after I did my artwork. See you in hell bro!

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A rival of mine was talking serious shit about my girlfriend, so I played a prank on him. I made an ad on craigslist for a “man seeking sexier man”. I put up a fake picture of a model, and wrote that he liked “kinky excursions with random, hot, sweaty men” and listed the guy’s phone number and email. He literally gets calls and texts from gay men day in…

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I turned in a HUGE paper for my favorite class, and my professor wrote me a scathing review. He insulted my intelligence, so I decided to get him back. We had been watching a movie for the past few days in class that was located on the public server. I replaced the video with extremely kinky porn, and when he started the movie, our big screen projector displayed some very…

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Definitely pee ‘d a little bit in my roommates mouthwash bottle last night when I was hammered…definitely my bad bro. SYIH.

 
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