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Last Valentine’s day, me and 2 friends took out three girls to one of the nicer restaurants in the town. We got a little bit tipsy and were asked to leave because we were being too loud. This year I got reservations under a different name, and am boning my girlfriend in the bathroom. SYIH RESTAURANT MAN!

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Definitely pee ‘d a little bit in my roommates mouthwash bottle last night when I was hammered…definitely my bad bro. SYIH.

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I thought it would be funny to fill me mothers glass up with vodka instead of water to get a reaction when she took the first sip. Prior to that sip she had not had a drop of alcohol in 22 years. She leaves for treatment tomorrow. See you in hell.

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My buddy told me to leave his party because I was too intoxicated, so I pissed in his reserve freezer in his basement. You know, where people keep all their reserve food. Eat up man

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My parents own about 80 acres of land in a small town and I decided to throw a rager. The party got wayyyyy too big. The party was great, but unfortunately the police decided to shut down our good time. These are some of the fun facts about the post-party disaster: the police ran out of batteries in two different breathalyzers, there were 60 breathalyzer straws on my lawn, and…

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My friends convinced me to go to some Hipster party at the U of M. After stealing all of their chasers, we decided that we hated hipsters so much that they didn ‘t deserve the bikes parked in their walkway. We stole those bikes and rode them 3 miles home to Saint Thomas. Lance Armstrong in this bitch! SYIH

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Last night was a doozey. Me and a friend went to our work party and my coworkers gave me a taser as a joke, because I was tased by a bouncer last year. Needless to say, I got blitzed drunk. Turns out, and I don ‘t remember this, we took a cab home and the fare was 70$. Instead of paying the cabbie, I tased the shit out him, and…

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I was blacked out. I was going over to my good friend’s friend’s house. her sister is there and she looked like she was 6th months pregnant. I told her once she had her baby she would look so sexy. She wasn’t actually pregnant, just a huge fan of the Big Mac! Even heard of a treadmill or Jenny Craig?? See you in hell!

 
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